I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
