I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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