Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
