hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
