I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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