She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
