The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
