I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
