threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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