I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
