Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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