i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
