Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
