weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Every concussion has its silver lining
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
