i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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