Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
