Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
