He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
