Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
