I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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