so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
