And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
