wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
