we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
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