I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
