just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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