My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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