if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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