I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
