I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
