So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
