I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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