he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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