So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
