SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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