god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
