the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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