I am midnight drunk by noon
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think I just sharted jello shots
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
