marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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