Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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