so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Floor bacon is actually really good
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
