Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
