last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?