She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.