it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted