don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
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My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.