you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party