Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
