it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
where are my eyebrows?
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