i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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