McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
