he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
