ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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