Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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