dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
