Christians are straight up FREAKS
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
