I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize