Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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