SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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