You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
