Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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