You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
