im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
