i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
