Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
