Welp...herpes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
