I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
