People with herpes should wear stickers.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
