The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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