i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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